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❌ 10 YEARS & 3 MONTHS AGO…seems just like yesterday ❌
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January 17, 2022
What can seem like yesterday to some can feel like ages to others and the opposite to everyone else in most situations; yet someone who has been through something so Traumatic (such as Human Trafficking, rape, being held captive, starvation, forced drug usage, and fear and threats of death each day) and comes out with C-PTSD……well I can personally and honestly say that when you’ve been through that kind of hell over a period of three months (one situation) you look at the world different forever.
It’s been 10 years and during this year’s #HumantraffickingAwarenessMonth I wanted to reflect on how my experiences in the past still effect me after all these years.
- For if you don’t know, I’m a strong creature on the outside, but truly I’m a “hermit”. I don’t go out. I don’t go to places unless I have to still. I am very uncomfortable in crowds only you would never know it because that’s what “grooming” does to you and you don’t lose those inherent traits you learned as a child. Those traits to look proper in public even though you were being raped at home and couldn’t tell no adult because they wouldn’t listen. (You know because you tried) When I did tell my parents one helped the police cover it up that I was being “criminally sexually assaulted” as a child (it was the 1987) but in truth I was being molested and trafficked by my stepfather across state lines. That shit sticks with you when your a kid and your country and family don’t help you.
When my life spiraled again and in 2011, one, I already had PTSD from the military and two, had been through one abusive relationship, a rape in high school and MST so now I was being held in a home in St. Louis for three months and my family just thought I was out running the streets doing drugs. But when I missed my sons court date on Oct. 5, 2011 my father knew he had to do something (His Words). I had managed to sneak a phone call to him and let him know where I was in September and begged him to help me. I had begged the police that came to help me. The North, and East St. Louis gangs wanted me dead that ran dope through there, the Woman who ran the house wanted me dead (but couldn’t because she was fixated on MY husband) I felt like I was in a different world. I had no idea what I had been drug into. But I knew my military training could get me out of this one. My father told me to sit tight and he’d help, but I didn’t Know what that meant. You see, I called him because I found out I was pregnant. That was another reason I didn’t Die. I was pregnant with my ex husband and abusers child and he was in prison and this woman was taking orders from him (I found out later) to keep me there “to protect me he said” but she was purposely starving me. She had absolutely no food in the house and I was sick. And being raped and forced to do sexual acts that I won’t write bout in here. These things are the things that keep me up at night.
- I got out of that house with help on my birthday in 2011 and found out I was still pregnant with one of the twins. I was shocked! And then the doctors sat me down and told me that with the malnutrition, seizures, abuse my body had taken and the drug use my body had endured (this time unwilling but if I didn’t Partake I was dead) that needed to abort her. I was in my second trimester and didn’t even look pregnant hardly. I prayed and prayed on it because this child was not conceived out of love. This child was a “rape baby” and I didn’t know if I could love it. But I knew I couldn’t Kill it. So I decided if it had to be my life or hers, I had to give her a chance because she was fighting to be here too. But this was MY CHOICE! Any WOMAN who goes through what I went through needs to be given the CHOICE of what to do because if this would of happened to me and I would have been younger and not in my 30’s I do not think I would have made the same choice. And absolutely should no under age or 18 year old who is raped or trafficked be forced to keep a baby and forced to have that child and then forced to give it up for adoption if they don’t want it. #HB126 in Missouri this year was just signed into law last week by Governor Parson prohibiting abortions in Missouri past 8 weeks without the clause for abuse, rape, incest and human trafficking and it was championed by our “Leaders for families and children”! How!? How can you be champions when you are not thinking of the most victimized individuals and taking the choice away from them?
- Now here we are 10 years later and I can still picture everything with acute detail. I’ve filed reports, Polaris cases, and have multiple medical and physiological records to back these events up. But….no one has done anything about it. I decided to come clean to my family about why happened because they didn’t believe me. Hell I know why now. I read the case file from when I was a kid. I saw the denial in their reports. Their “let’s just sweep this under the rug and make it go away” gestures that were written and I mean the detective too. So I decided to change things in my life.
- I now 10 years later have been advocating for Human rights and survivors rights that have been victimized in the retrospective areas for 7 years now. I started a nonprofit in 2020 (Nomoretears21:4) and another one in 2021 (Aurora Hope Foundation) for my son that he asked me to. I have become an Alumni member with various entities and awarded different awards and Honors throughout the years and think tank behind many of the current legislation’s out there but it’s the representatives and senators that get to take the credit. I’m not a lobbyist, I’m an advocate for 6.2 million people in Missouri and many millions more in America and billions on an International Level.
- My book got put on hold because there was a kink in the ending of book one. A court case has to be finalized before I can finish it but it is coming. Lol. Can’t rush good literature or research unfortunately. But we can keep all of the other survivors out there in our hearts and victims that need help an option of hope.
- This month we are renewing our efforts to bring you the absolute best information that we can from the #BlueCampaign at D.H.S. So here are a few links to get you to where you need to go for some great information!!
- DOCUMENT LIBRARY
- REQUEST BLUE CAMPAIGN MATERIAL
- HUMAN TRAFFICKING GENERAL AWARENESS VIDEOS (2)
- LABOR TRAFFICKING AWARENESS VIDEOS (4)
- SEX TRAFFICKING AWARENESS VIDEOS (6)
- BLUE CAMPAIGN PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS (3)
- BLUE CAMPAIGN NEWSLETTERS
- RESOURCES AVAILABLE TO VICTIMS FROM BLUE CAMPAIGN
- OFFICE ON TRAFFICKING IN PERSONS
- WORK WITH BLUE CAMPAIGN
- REPORT A TIP TO LAW ENFORCEMENT
- POLARIS WEBSITE
- The last thing I would like to share with you all today is our indicator cards. We love how our art designer made them for this year and yes we do have hard copies of all of these BlueCampaign Materials available if anyone would like for us to come have a booth set up one day. Thank you.
You can visit our website at:
We also have our shirts for sale new for this year on bonfire 🔥:
As always I will always be here, I know I’ve taken a hiatus. Physical injuries are also something that have accrued over time with assaults and sexual assault damage. My lower body doesn’t agree with my upper body anymore. But since the VA got me a bed to sleep in at home the past 2 months I’ve been able to start sleeping without pressure on my spine and hips so I am slowly getting better. Unless you have went through years and years of physical and sexual abuse, I am truly sorry, but you won’t understand what I mean about the body, but please believe me, you’ll never hear me complain, you’ll never hear me cry or whine. I’m not built that way. But you will see me achieve my dreams. Even if I have to do it from a wheelchair and a hospital bed at home. I love you all and I cannot believe I am still here 10 years later!!!
Authored By:
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